Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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