I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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