Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
