Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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