Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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