Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
