the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
