i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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