I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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