I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
there's paper in my vomit.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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