Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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