Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
