I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
