im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
