I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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