But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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