Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
