I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
