I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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