As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
