I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
