Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i dont even know how to be here
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
