Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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