So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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