'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize