He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
