Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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