How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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