The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
