Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
