just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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