Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
