Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
