I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
