The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
