even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
