so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
