"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
