Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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