at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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