I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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