hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
