I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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