i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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