Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
