Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
