Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
