i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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