Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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