considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
