it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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