Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
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