have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I pour the whiskey from now on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize