pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
