there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
