How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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