Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
