I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
