and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
