i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
