i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
