he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
