Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Text me some of your sweat
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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