So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
