Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
