im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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