Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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